My Last Breath
by Vampire Louis
Summary: To escape the darkness was the ultimate goal I had made for myself only to be deceived by my own intentions and end up exactly where I didn't want to be. The darkness. (short AxY death fic) (Winner of the 2003 Scarlet Seduction 'Final Curtain' award)


Title: My Last Breath - Winner of the 2003 Scarlet Seduction 'Final Curtain' Award

Author: Vampire Louis

Rated: Pg

Warnings: Umm Shounen-ai (AxY) and eventual death!

Legal stuff: Well... I think it's obvious but I'll state it anyway. I don't own Weiss so umm... please don't sue me? I'm poor... seriously...

Special Thanks to: My editor for all of his hard work and to all of my readers. You guys are what truly make writing worth the effort. Thank you. Oh, and a special thanks goes out to Shaeric Draconis and Scented Candles! You guys are the best! Vive La Resistance! AYYA!

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To escape the darkness was the ultimate goal I had made for myself only to be deceived by my own intentions and end up exactly where I didn't want to be. The darkness. The road to hell really is paved by good intentions. Had I known this is where I would be in the end I would have given up from the beginning and coasted all the way here. I had never been much of one to give up before, even when it all seemed hopeless, because somewhere inside of myself I had always believed that there was a small ray of hope in every dark situation. A believer and a fool is what I have left to show for all my trivial attempts and inconsequential efforts.

I'm watching the falling snow drifting down from the heavens to the already snow covered earth all around me. It is so peaceful here in this vast empty place of only white, wood and a few specks of color. Tears slip from the corners of my eyes while I drown myself in my thoughts to become barely aware of the fact things are starting to blacken and fade in and out of my point of existence. The dawn is coming to rest upon this life I have known at last.

"Yohji?" Such a small and distant voice calls to me. Who is it? "Yohji!" The voice calls again but I cannot force myself to tear my eyes away from the sky above me. "Yohji!"

"Aya..." I murmur when the voice registers at last. Was Aya looking for me?

"Yohji!" Aya is right beside me and suddenly around me in the blink of an eye... or was it longer? Perception of time is mangled inside my brain because the fog will not clear.

"You.." is all I can think to say.

"Don't..."

"Why?" Another word besides Aya; I am getting good at this.

"Because, you have to save your strength." Aya is speaking with a more than one syllable vocabulary and I am not... this is certainly a change.

A sudden smile breaks across my features as I look up at the redhead then bury in closer to him to relax entirely. Of all the people to come for me... Aya was the one who found me, held me, and told me to save my strength. Aya - the one person I wanted to see before I took my final breath. Why? For the same reasons I couldn't fathom until now. Glancing up with my emerald orbs I can see the lavender ones peering down at me. He's trying to hide under his mask of no emotions but I can see right through the cracks to the broken core that makes up Aya. I wonder what he would be like without that barrier he puts up to protect himself. I wonder what he was like as a teenager, before all the death and destruction that destroyed his life. I wonder... I wonder if he'll ever open up to anyone else after I'm... gone.

"Aya..." I start with a softer smile than before.

"I know." He speaks just as softly as my smile.

"I'm glad..." I nod, without bothering to finish - I didn't need to.

Swirls of endless white in snow and serenity around us. So close, are we drawn... two black spots against the white. Extremes as always, we stand out against the normal... against the beckoning winter storm that blows all around us and covers up what once was and what will be. Even the blood left on the snow is lost here in the drifting tides of the blizzard.

Strange as it may seem, I suddenly find myself thinking of how unfair the world could be, how unfair the world would be and how unfair the world had been to us all. Robbing us all of our youth, our families, our loved ones and most of all... robbing us of the truth. Such a stupid little thing the truth would seem to some but to us... to us, the truth is unreasonably important. Why? Because to us, the assassins who deny dark beasts their tomorrow, the truth is all we really have left. Or so I thought up until now. I guess, in a very odd sort of way, we had found something new to hold onto; something to give us life, or rather, give us a reason to stay alive. This new something was the love and friendship we had found in each other. Cliche, I know, but true nonetheless. In retrospect, because of this, I won't be sorry to see my life go but, more accurately, I will be sorry to know that I'll be leaving behind three of the very finest men I have ever had the pleasure of befriending.

Aya's staring at me again. He looks afraid, I think he's beginning to understand and accept what I already have. I'm going to die this time. There won't be a tomorrow for me. No flowers to tend. No people to kill. No Omi to tease. No Ken to annoy. And no Aya... no Aya to love. Maybe I will miss my life just a little more than I thought I would. I'll miss the stupid little things that I never really thought about until now. The way the spring smells. The way the leaves fall. The way the winter morning has such a crisp feel to it. Oh winter, the season of fragile things. I'll miss all the fragile things. Women are fragile, emotions are fragile and somewhere deep inside, Aya is fragile too. You wouldn't be able to tell from his hard shell but the man is an emotional wreak once you get to the breakable inside. Oh god Aya. I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much this is going to hurt you... I never meant to leave you behind with such a mess to deal with. I think he's crying. I blink my eyes and I can see clearly now that he's crying. He shaking so badly... or is that him just shaking me? I feel intensely tired now and somewhere in the back of my mind all I want to do is close my eyes and sleep.

Aya is pulling me closer to him. I can tell that he wants to keep me for as long as he can. Hell, -I- want him to keep me for as long as he can. Funny thing is, even at this very endearing moment I know he wants to scream and shout and swear at me for not moving fast enough or not jumping out of the way just in time to miss the fatal bullet. He wants to throw a tantrum though he knows these things are absurd. I couldn't have gotten out of the way any sooner than he could of jumped in the way to save me. It becomes obvious, however, that even in knowing all of this it is hard for Aya to forgive what is about to pass. He can not forgive me and he will never forgive himself. Oh Aya... my darling sweet Aya... I pray someday that you too will find peace and redemption for yourself...

"You... and I... will see each other again... so don't look so depressed, Ayan." I try to cheer him up.

He opened his eyes and is now staring down at me. I know I'm grinning like a fool, "I told you never to call me that..." He informs me and all I can think is that it's comforting to see his smile.

"Sorry... couldn't... help... it." I continue to grin until I feel a sharp pain in my side when I take in a breath, "It hurts, Aya..." I feel like I'm going to cry, "But... I need... to say... goodbye to Omi... and Ken." For some reason this is really important to me. I want to tell them thank you... I want to tell them sorry... I want to tell them a million things but my world is quickly growing distant from my conscious mind and I know it's time for me to go.

Aya shakes his head at me, "It's all right, I can tell them for you. Y-You can let go..."

His voice cracked when he said that and he can't seem to stop the tears from coming. I lift my hand to his face and gently wipe away some of the falling drops of water. Aya looks more tortured than normal people when he cries. Perhaps it's because he so rarely cries and when he finally does it's released with the agony of many sorrowful years gone by without a drop being shed no matter what the circumstances. I can feel my heart grow sad when I realize this is the last time I will ever see him cry... the last time I will ever see his face... the last time I will ever see him. My own tears start up again and I can not stop them either...

"Aya I-"

"I know, Yohji. I know."

"I'm glad..."

I smile.

My Aya...

I'll miss you.

-Fin.-


End file.
